It's been a long time since i last came here to blog.
So many things happened for the past days.
There are happiness yet also brings sadness.
Life is so bittersweet.

The passing of so many entertainers just in one day (at least for me to know in one day) is depressing enough to make me burst out crying.
Early in the morning, The king of POP Michael Jackson.
Farrah Fawcett, then her. ( i dunno who is she actually><)
and last one, a korean entertainer, Kim tae ho. (who is he? I dunno><)
All in one day, depressing enough?

Then, also in the same day, i deal with my grandpa's continued prayer offerings. You know, i still can't adapt to the time when he is not there any more. When did he stopped calling us? I forgot, he used to call us so many times that we got annoyed, but now, his voice...is gone. He use to give us money too, but when did he stopped giving? Oh my god, i miss him. Those times are so gone, so gone. The times he would joke with us, the laughs he had, his hands on my shoulder and the last time i held his hand, the last smile he gave to us, the last time i massaged for him. Still can't quite believe the moments i had for all my life are gone and it has been 3 weeks, i still can't get him over. This is when i realize him for granted too>< At least i saw him in my dreams one night, he asked me to go, go and eat. Cute grandpa, isn't it?
I miss you, miss you so><
tried so hard to keep those tears from falling.
felt the pain, oh the pain of losing someone so dear to your heart.
felt the pain of bidding goodbye forever
felt the pain of see you for the very very last time
still feels the pain, of not being able to see you ever again.

then there was the annoying feeling of urgency to complete those irritating projects. some pests that i feel like smacking you flat like roti prata and flater!
and shit, i'm going back to school again, early in the morning just to finish my HTML research. Thank you so much.
This time it gets even more troublesome when you need to take your temperature! *%&#)& annoying.
Not to mention the e-learning, It's troublesome down to the core. Those floods of mail, man i feel like smashing my laptop and send it down to hell.
then those fall outs, be it friends or family, it just....making it even worst.
I think there will be a time when i will just break down and cry just to release those emotions accumulated unknowingly.

i am waiting, i'm always waiting.
I'm tired.
I'm tired of waiting and wishing.
why can't it be once, you just appear when i needed you?
why why why?
why do you always make me, wait wait wait?

i see your true colours....
so dun be afraid..

maybe i am not that brave and strong like i think i was.