sometimes i getting really tired...when i wan to be happy things always doesn't support me...i really want to be happy...but why can't i?? i can laugh around with my friends but i realize everytime at home i am not happy at all. even with the power of tvxq. i tot home is a warm and comfortable place?? but i see my home as a cruel place. i am so left out here...i feel like the odd one here...who doesn't belong to here...parents seems to have lost hope on me but why can't they see i am trying?? they see only my results but why can't they take a look at the process i am studying?? my parents didn't see me cry before it is only because i never want to cry in front of them....but they are slowing looking down on me...they lost hope on me so do i lost hope on them...i suddenly feel like they are just parents by name.....the hurt inside me....i dunno what to do...why am i always crying at home?? is like i once step into the house everything seems so down.....i feel want to be outside but not my house. house not house any more. the love i used to feel is not there any more...
i lost faith in this family...i used to talk to my mother everything. but now she seems to have lost interest....seems like she is more concern to da jie and er jie??
my dad......dun wanna say...i dun even feel like calling them...i just wanna be in a deep sleep......leaving everything behind be irresponsible........this is what i want.....i am a total different gal at home and with my friends...i feel like two personality....i hate this kind of me....i hate it....i dislike it....but but....damn....just pass me the knife....but i can't do it too... tvxq wouldn't want to know this....ah!!! DAMN IT OK? I HATE EVERYTHING THAT IS GOING ON....EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE GOING AGAINST ME...I JUST WANNA WAKE UP FROM THE NIGHTMARE~~~
i feel that i had waste my life and time today...i dunno why...i feel like i had blur blur spent my day today...totally...what actually am i doing?? i dunno what i lived for. maybe i should do some soul searching...i am tired....someday i hoped to slow down the pace of life. maybe stop the earth spinning?? but the earth already spin very slow...oh well. life can be very boring. do you realize that?? it seems that this term holiday is getting bored. like that is nothing for us to do. why do i start to hate holidays now?? but i do noe why i like holidays the last time...i feel so empyt in me...empty...how come i am feeling this way. i feel like asking my mum for a teddy hug. but now...any way i just lost interest in everytime including tvxq. it is just some suddenly lost. not saying that i do not love tvxq any more is just that i lost my heart. i dunno what interest me now. i want to be in a deep sleep. to be kept away from this world. i am like a idiotic gal in this big big world.
this stupid blogger make what this thing it will auto save my post whenever i stop for a while...it is so irritaing...is like it is forcing not to stop typing...it makes me type non sense stuffs!!! haiz....stupid blogger....there it go again!!!
and today i saw there is some ANTI in the junsu bar there!!! i dunno if they are the real anti or what. i got confused eventually....cos....any way i really lost. lost myself to the war.
some times i really wan to rebel not my parents but my sis. i want to paint my nails black it is a sign of rebel. not you but to me. hahah....childish i noe. but hey that is my opinion right? hahaha...i losing myself slowly....hahaha....boring life...
http://tvpot.daum.net/v/3078441
tohoshinki performance in MTV japan
http://flvs.daum.net/flvPlayerOut.swf?vid=id5I_v9Gy4Y$
tohoshinki receiving awards!!!!! omg!!! micky said the thank you speech in english!! so sexy and hot@@@
GO TOHO!!! GO DONG BANG!!
in this pathetic world there is only a limited things that will make me happy till i cry. first is meeting tvxq real in life. after meeting them i could even die in that spot because in my this life i just want to at least let me meet them once. second is them receiving awards. third got even closer with tvxq. not just fans such distance relationship but friends. i can greedy too. i dun wan just friends but even you noe...wife.
today i got a even happy thing for me. TVXQ WON AWARD!!!! VMAJ JAPAN MTV!! BEST BUZZ ASIA FROM KOREA. DO YOU NOE HOW THIS MEANS TO ME?? IT IS THE FIRST AWARDS WHICH I GET TO BE INVOLVE!!! AND AND THEY GOT IT!! THEY GOT IT!!! THEY GOT IT!!! I FEEL LIKE CRYING NOW BUT MY SIS HERE...I CAN'T LET MY TEARS FLOW OUT. TVXQ YOU DID IT....YOU GOT THE AWARD WHICH I VOTED JUST FOR YOU. THIS AWARD MEANS MORE THAN ANYTHING TO ME. PLEASE DO KEEP IT IN GOOD STATE. I AM HAPPY FOR YOU!!! THANK GOD FOR THIS AWARD NOT ONLY TO TVXQ BUT ME TOO. THANK YOU LORD. TO GOD BE THE GLORY!~!
alamak why their live performance in the MTV not what i expected...maybe they too high le ba!! but i still am happy for them. when will i get to see them?? i miss them so much....*cries*
김히린 kim hee rin it reads!!!
so every one call me kim hee rin!! hee rin!!
even though i have this name le i still cannot forget the other korean name i made
김쁜앙 and 김리쁜!! i shall not forget them! kim beun ang and kim li beun
hahaha now i can just tell you i have lots of names!!!
vonix von vonny vonness 김히린 김쁜앙 김리쁜
omg....i can't seem to find a suitable korean name for myself...haiz...i have only limited korean characters to choose from...cos my korean is limited.. and i only want to pick the characters from what tvxq said...hard you noe...
at first it is 김쁜앙 to 김리쁜 and now i still not accepting all of them...
i watched the show again and this name really rox sia
김유림 nice right...yoochun thought of that...but i am not yoochun fan so this name out. but i like it so much...김이림 how about this?? it reads kim ee lim... but the korean characters dun seems to be nice...be back again then....go jogging now....
kim li beun shall be it first till i find a better name...
some one tell me whats wrong with blogger again?? you noe it kinda sux when this happens?? it totally spoilt my day...i kinda feel like smashing blogger. scolding it in the face!! grr ok watever!
any way i was really really jealous!!! i seen many sweet yoosu pics today. my heart just break into thousands. i do love junsu and tvxq i noe i should be happy when they have such a good relationship between them. the bond between i guess there is nothing that can separate them. the pics are just too much for me to take. they look so sweet and imitate!!! junsu...any girl who loves a guy will get jealous right?? i am just any gal like that. i cried. i can't take it. how sweet they can be together. i prayed i hoped please dun let yoosu be true just like them be best of friends best of brother best of members just dun let them be lover?? i am afraid for that to be truth. i dun wan them to be a fact. NO!!! junsu no please. yoochun please no. please dun do it. maybe i am just selfish but sorry i can't let this happen too much. you may say i am crazy over this guy. yeah i am.
crying is what i normally do now...it seems to be like a habit to me. i dun wan too but yoosu makes it...yoochun and junsu dun do it...my heart hurts this much whenever you guy be so close...wrong...correction the imitate actions you guys do...i can't take it...too much for me to accept. accept the fact that you are so close that you dun have to say and you guys noe what is in all you guys mind. okay it is ok understandable. but when it gets really overboard...junsu you kissed him?? YOU KISSED HIM!!! can't take it decide to vent it all here. i am not hating you junsu. i am just jealous really. kissed him married him?? dun you noe you have fans too?? also fans who like me who doesn't really take?? i should calm down but my emotions just take over my mind. bring me away. kissed him....kissed him.
tears flowing down.
sad eyes, cheeks, everything is on my face.
shut down all images, live in the world of your own.
close down all channels
let imagination flow in and through
let mind rest in peace.
let saturn stay down there.
but why can't i do it?
because JUNSU just can't get out of my mind.
sorry to say but i am this idiot.
What You Really Think Of Your Friends
Junsu is your soulmate.
You truly love Myself.
You consider Jia En your true friend.
You know that Yeeshan is always thinking of you.
You'll remember Taiyi for the rest of your life.
You secretly think Jia Ping is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.
You secretly think that Tvxq is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.
You secretly think that Tvxq is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Tvxq changes lovers faster than underwear.
You secretly think Diane is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Diane has a hidden internet romance.
i was getting tired each day, maybe one day i would really jump off that damn building. maybe one day i will shoot myself and blast that damn brain. but as i am typing this i listening to the angel voice of my love. why are they pulling me stopping me...stop it....and let me go but all of you noe that it was just me that i didn't want to leave them. i was really tired of my stupid life with parents which to me is not understanding enough ok i should start appreciate them but sorry i can't i can't possible say a lie to myslef saying that how good are they when they scold you stupid?? oh oh not to mention they didn't trust is what happens in every family. best. i guess what really make me happy is just tvxq. i am just so crazy over them. i admit but too bad they are just so attractive. they just have such power to be in my mind all the time. some time i so wish i would even get to see them in my dreams. i wonder what they normally dream about?? what the hell i tot this was about some kind of student life?? but thinking of tvxq all the time is what is in my student life...haiz...whatever it is...i love tvxq....their songs are like damn nice and their vocals is like nice dao bao...love them to bits...hahaha i kinda started to confess my love to them now...hahaha...today chinese was so funny. mrs lim is like so funny didn't have such good laugh for a great time...how i wish everyday life was filled with such laughter. everytime i prayed that for tvxq. happiness fun laughter health for tvxq but not once did i prayed for myself. this time i finally remember to pray for myself too. tvxq ranked first really. i think they really touched into my life. they really are the greatest people i seen in this world. the next life i still wish to be their fans maybe i would pray for a slightly better treatment such as being their girlfriend?? hahaha i noe this just can't happen right now cos they are in japan now?? and i am like in singapore?? but who says it can't happen in my this life?? hahaha any way today chinese lesson something really struck me. does parents consider or even bother to ask if the child or students mental is ok... as in the pressure we are going on. all they care is their results others is definately is out of the mind. then i ask you what is the point to have a child when you only care about their results and not their welfare. right?? it does make sense right?? i mean they have children is so that they a offspring when they can shelther them with endless love but it kinda don't huh. damn parents only care about results so that they can show off between the friends. just feel like giving a tight slap. i can't say all this all i can't even think about all this cos all this definately would be such a letdown to tvxq but just let me say this once...haiz...LIFE SUX LIKE NOTHING SUX.
i dunno what i should say. i just feel like running away. my life is in such a mess, i dun even noe who i really am. life can be so simple but why does it get so difficult when you tried to make it simple? i only wanted my damn brain to be nice to me... damn brain doesn't listen to me. i am just stupid enough to die right now. sorry but yeah it is true. sinner i might be but lord forgive me. i promise to be understanding and not be so cool. i promise to work hard but lord please let me own some self discipline from tvxq? such handsome and sweet humans are just some distraction and attraction to me. if i can just force myself out maybe life would be just as simple. simple life i just want to have but why those have to come along? i dun wan to have all this experiences i just want a normal life. i dun wan to be nerd i wan to be cool but cool in a good way. but sometimes why does i feel nerd myself?? why can't life just be alone like this and be peaceful. why can't we own our own privacy. we can't be on our own cos...we are constantly surrounded...if there is one place i would like to be in forever i guess it would be in....oh great there is no place in this world. i am just struck forever. chained with hundreds burden, carried thousands stress, locked with many pressure, lived with many unpleasure. but if a simple prayer works...i would pray for everyday. of cos it does. talk to god and release yourself. god save you and saturn is dismissed. say you are sorry lord will forgive you. am i right lord??
開始唱歌時,大家愛我了. 大家說,我的歌聲很特別... 大家說,清澈又漂亮的歌聲如寶物一樣... 大家說,我一定會成為比誰都唱的好的人... 有一天,脖子上粘了蜘蛛網，怎麼都拿不掉... 以前大家羡慕的歌聲,現在從我的脖子裡跑出來,變成了血色的金屬聲. 我生自己的氣... 像傻瓜一樣,大叫,又哭又笑. 再也不會唱的跟以前一樣好... 再也不會聽到大家的稱讚... 但就算這樣我也還是要繼續歌唱. 我不能成為一個最會唱歌的人. 但是我可以成為一個比誰都喜歡唱歌的人. 如果無法因歌被愛,我去愛歌就可以了. 就算失去了自己的嗓子. 這份心意是不會失去的. 這份愛不會輸給任何人. 我想唱歌. 我要唱歌. 要唱到我生命的最後一刻. 也不會感到一點的痛.
junsu's words
junsu you tok me lots of things. maybe you don't even know this but you definately did...you are not just my idol but also my teacher. taught me many life's lesson. valuable ones. you enlighten me into a person who cherish what she got in her life. shaped her into someone who desn't take her that easy. tvxq do not just own a angel appearance and voice but also a angel's heart and love. every one's view differ i dun get how the anti come against tvxq but i guess that is others opinion. it is better to not do anything to further anger them burn their anger towards tvxq.
tvxq i must thank them for bringing me into life's another stage. if there is such chance i would like to give them a big teddy hug!!! hahaha...thank them for what they had taught them. i vowed never to betray them as they did many things such as teaching me. i can't possibly betrayed my own en shi right?? is it just inmoral...pardon me for my mistakes...
if i can delicate a message poem song... i would delicate to my life teachers and idol. tvxq.
may god bless them with happiness health and protection. let them live their life to the fullest.
hahaha me yeeshan and jia ping came up this song called the shity song??? hahaha....and we even came up action for it and even designed a poster!!! hahaha how lame can we be....we are really bored before physics test...hahaha.....then me and yeeshan came up two other songs about jia ping....hahaha.....dun tell you what it is....ask jia ping for it then....its with her mah....hahaha
any way i just wanted to type this in.....came into me some how...
don't leave me in this darkness....i need you....
don't leave me there alone walking all by myself.
don't leave there to rot, i leave you.
don't let me leave you because i need you.
let me be there when you needed someone.
let me be the shoulder for you to lean on when you need one.
le me be the one to love you when you need someone to love you.
let me be the one to provide you the nutrients.
let me be the one sheltering you the acid rain.
let me be the one who cry with you.
let me be the one who laugh with you.
i wish that happiness surrounds you.
i wish that good luck kisses you.
i wish that joy comes to you.
i wish that everything nice would appear to you.
for all this is what i want to give to you.
delicated to tvxq....hope to change it to a better one.....any suggestion??
Kim Ok-bin (김옥빈) my new korean idol!!! she is so pretty!!! she acted in whispering corridors 4 and that was how i liked her as in idolise her....she is so pretty!!! she acted as yeong eon....pretty gal!!! hahaha....
hell what is wrong with blogger?? i can't have colour for my post....something is wrong with blogger sia...
fuck. sorry...just about 15 minutes ago i vowed to stop cursing and swearing. but just one incident fuck it make me go mad again. feel like crying fuck....hell....you wan to noe i show you the show....trying to improve my english...keke...ok....my mother just proved to me how me is so not trustworthy. i mean would i cheat my own mother money??? am i that kind?? you might say why can't you be that kind....i mean we can't see everything in the appearance....you might ask you can definately say that kind of thing to just cover yourself. i just wanna say one thing to my mum: i am disappointed in you. i am your daughter!!! for god sake!! and please why must you compare your own daughter to someone's daughter?? ok someone which means 同事 ... yeah your tong shi daughter some how forged her signature and cheated and buy things or whatever....so does that conclude my character too?? ok so you because of this " lesson" you got from your tong shi...so why can't you conclude da jie and er jie also?? HELL FUCK!
grrr...i swear i used this com only for blogging but you noe i am so tempted to use it to check on my tvxq oppa news??? go their fanclub go youtube and watch their shows check their news see their pics....but you noe....MID YEARS!!! great it is here damn i am like so scared...heart is beating like hell...afraid that my english....i hate to say but i really dun wan to retain...touch wood and i will not!!! please lord at least let me pass my english if not i am so going to jump the building....hell i am so scared feel like crying because of anxiety...whatever it is spelled cos what is going through my mind is.....literature and social studies....trying so hard to let all the info secure in my stupid retarded brain. i feel like smashing that idiot brain of mine but only to realise i might be died after doing so...wat the.....HELL i am writing something that is really ridiculous...HELL gorget about my spelling mistakes!!! my spelling sux....should really find someone to help......assessment books please!!! ahhh.....damn scared....shall write a prayer here then...dear lord,evon here hoping to get some help from you. really want to pass my studies or exams with flying colours really really scared please do help me at least pass everything?? most importantly my english??? i really am scared....lord help me...i do not want to be retain....i dun wan the eyes looking at me help me lord....i need your help...lord give me wisdom...please!~!!in your name i say amen...
i fell sick best....but i got holiday straight two days...monday and tuesday...keke...today went to study but seriously i can't concentrate which equals to me not studying i mean the info doesn't gets into my brain...so i just give up and jia ping suggests that we go play basketball since it had been quite a long time we last played basketball. this time i didn't get to play that well cos i was sick....haiz...oh well after that went eugenice house to eat jap curry....omg i can tell you japanese food seriously not my cup of tea....gastric now....KOREA!!! KOREA!!! randomness...is me...ha
