It's been a long time since i last came here to blog.
So many things happened for the past days.
There are happiness yet also brings sadness.
Life is so bittersweet.

The passing of so many entertainers just in one day (at least for me to know in one day) is depressing enough to make me burst out crying.
Early in the morning, The king of POP Michael Jackson.
Farrah Fawcett, then her. ( i dunno who is she actually><)
and last one, a korean entertainer, Kim tae ho. (who is he? I dunno><)
All in one day, depressing enough?

Then, also in the same day, i deal with my grandpa's continued prayer offerings. You know, i still can't adapt to the time when he is not there any more. When did he stopped calling us? I forgot, he used to call us so many times that we got annoyed, but now, his voice...is gone. He use to give us money too, but when did he stopped giving? Oh my god, i miss him. Those times are so gone, so gone. The times he would joke with us, the laughs he had, his hands on my shoulder and the last time i held his hand, the last smile he gave to us, the last time i massaged for him. Still can't quite believe the moments i had for all my life are gone and it has been 3 weeks, i still can't get him over. This is when i realize him for granted too>< At least i saw him in my dreams one night, he asked me to go, go and eat. Cute grandpa, isn't it?
I miss you, miss you so><
tried so hard to keep those tears from falling.
felt the pain, oh the pain of losing someone so dear to your heart.
felt the pain of bidding goodbye forever
felt the pain of see you for the very very last time
still feels the pain, of not being able to see you ever again.

then there was the annoying feeling of urgency to complete those irritating projects. some pests that i feel like smacking you flat like roti prata and flater!
and shit, i'm going back to school again, early in the morning just to finish my HTML research. Thank you so much.
This time it gets even more troublesome when you need to take your temperature! *%&#)& annoying.
Not to mention the e-learning, It's troublesome down to the core. Those floods of mail, man i feel like smashing my laptop and send it down to hell.
then those fall outs, be it friends or family, it just....making it even worst.
I think there will be a time when i will just break down and cry just to release those emotions accumulated unknowingly.

i am waiting, i'm always waiting.
I'm tired.
I'm tired of waiting and wishing.
why can't it be once, you just appear when i needed you?
why why why?
why do you always make me, wait wait wait?

i see your true colours....
so dun be afraid..

maybe i am not that brave and strong like i think i was.

it's over.
i know he is in good hands now.
he will be up in heaven looking after us.
i know he love us but to the extent of using his life...
i know he dote on us....i know he is great.
i love him and forever.

he's physically gone now but he's still here in my memories, in my heart.
he's one handsome tall man and kind man.
铁汉柔情, guess it applies to him.

how time flies, first i'm seeing him fine next seeing him suffering then and finally, he's gone.
i miss him><
这如切的痛。。
i guess the pain that felt like tearing you apart is when you know that you will never a chance to see your beloved one...any more.

9 june, he left
13 june he's gone forever
and he will remain in our hearts for the rest of our life.

REST IN PEACE
my beloved grandfather

there are so many things..
that kept me alive and kicking..
that kept me so happy and sad

there are so many things i have yet let them go and there are so many things i wish i could tell you all. there so many things i want to accomplish but there are so many other things that pulled me back.

i wished you would have understand how i feel.

there are so many things that are going on...
there are so many things for me to do..
there are so many things for me to handle..

i need a break, just something that i call freedom.
i want to go back to just being me.
no more masks, no more faces no more painted faces.

pull me back to reality, let me know where do i stand.
deep down am i happy or sad?
deep down am i worried or just....relaxed?
what am i?
who am i?
where am i?

now i know, why do i fancy angel's wings...
i need those to take me away, to bring me to paradise where i can finally find my soul.
i need those to let me find the freedom i desired.
i need those to bring me forward to the future so that i can find my true love.
someone to love me.
someone who love me, love me for who i am...

bring me home, bring me back, bring me to where i belong.
this is not what i want to be.
bring me back to who i really am.
i wanna go home.

she's back she's back she's back!
hooray!! yipee! OHHHHHHHHHH YAY!!
melodie tan owes me a vivo date and a lifetime of kisses! hahahaha XD
she says it herself de!
heeheee=)
MELODIE!! BA LOVES YOU!! OUR CLIQUE LOVES YOU!! XDDD
more like, we support you all the way!!

ahhh felt so much love today. it's great=)
the world is still so wonderful afterall=)
it's good not to lose hope=)
love makes the world goes round=)

any way, my grandpa is back from hospital=) HOORAY!
but he refuses to eat and take his med=(
it just seems that he is completely different after his fall><
he's....so much more fragile><
i realize, he has grown so much more weaker than he use to be.
he use to be my giant because he's always so tall but then...it came toppling down><
he's so fragile...i looked at home sitting at the wheelchair and i almost lost control of my tears.
i touched his hand then i realize this is the very first time i ever held his hand><
i might not be able to communicate with him well but i hope through this we will bond=)
spending much more time with him=) i may not be able to help alot but i do want to help=)
gong gong JIA YOU!
take your med and eat your meals! keep insisting he ate and taken the meals>< haiz!

any way woots! today is a slack day for evon.