Entries of life ★

i feel really pathetic now.

listening to utada hikaru's flavour of life, and then realise whatever i went through for the past 16 years, was all contribution to the different flavours of life. it was a great song.

be it sweet like candy, where i experience love, friendship, kinship and many many more.
my first ever official crush not someone, not idol, not someone random.
my first real crush on a idol, junsu.
and finally the love i felt from my friends and family.

be it bitter like medicine, where i experience those hard times.
the times where i scored badly
the times we fought and quarrelled
the times when we fell out
the times i realise JUNSU was flying out of my hand
the times where ppl backstabbed, betrayed, badmouthed me.
and the others.

be it spicy? huh?
this one...i really dunno how to write. whats so spicy in our life? LMAO
ah~
the time when i finally get to see TVXQ, my life will be damn spicy,
NOT BAD EH?

be it sour....
errrrr
what is then sour?
my life is, infact, ok.
i dun worry about money because what my parents earns each month is enough for the living for the 5 mouths of my family.
i have two great sisters.
i have two great aunts
i have the best grandparents.
what more can i ask?
*coughs*junsuasmyhusband*coughs*

so....this post was meant to be emotional and i was attempting to type it as sad as possible but, well, i can't stop myself from being this silly. hahaha

i came across the translation of the song "while looking at the.....after glow" (song from TVXQ's 4th album [MIROTIC])
read it and again, i teared. i counted, this time i had 2 big drops of tears and two small pearls of tear.
then at the end, i saw the comment of a soomier...
i think junsu is trying to convey a message to the girl in his mind to wait for him.

thunderstorm, the thunder strikes, the rain starts to pour.
each raindrop, hit heavily on my heart.
reality came knocking on my door.
then, the thought that junsu have someone in his mind made me cried even more.
junsu, had someone he fancied, and that her is not me.
he loved her and is asking her to wait for him......?
he expressed his love to her already?? and now that is, she knows, he asked her to wait for him?
the questions just went running through my mind.
each thought was such a pain.

it was silly of me.
maybe i should have never step into the world of fangirlism.
but....because i have already been here, i can't just step out....
junsu, i'm sorry.
really, i have been so silly.
sorry.
sorry.