Entries of life ★

ok.
this afternoon i was consoling jp.
now this is shit.

ok. first dinner.
i was only trying to help my aunt to stop that naughty en wei to stop pestering her. cos she was hurting my aunt so i was like scolding her to stop it. that baka cried. as usual that crybaby. FUCK i really am angry. and i was blamed for trying to help. ok i so not going to help thank you for telling me that. then i was trying to help my the other aunt to like you noe put the porridge into the bowl. and hell i was blamed again. hello i wanted to help you and i became a annoyance? ok i got fed up and i said i not eating porridge. and my that aunt gave me that sound of irritation. HELL i really detest that sound. i got really angry.

i was giving that damn expression while eating one who observe should noe.
later i had to help to wipe clean the bowls. and my aunt said something like. your very funny your need three people to wipe the bowl pass the bowl and keep the bowl. and i said very funny meh? i dun find it funny leh. i sound bad so? this is what i got for my kindness? why am i not appreciated?

ok so i went back home.

guess what this time my mum asked me once she saw me. did you study today. shit. my father asked me that the same thing today. hell it was irritating. so i just burst out. i am getting angry.
is only my result concerns you the most? can you for once stop asking me about studies result and MORE RESULTS? stop it! i hate it. i really do hate it. i noe my sisters are clever and smart and did well. you dun think i wan to be that way too. stop calling me stupid or i will keep that knife going. I SERIOUSLY WARN YOU. YOU ARE NOW TEMPTING ME TO SLASH MYSELF WITH THAT SHARP OBJECT. you get what mean. you are getting on my nerves. fuck i do want to be clever. YOU DUN THINK I WANT HUH. stop it ok. i really dun like the way you keep asking me. telling me how stupid i am. you dun have to tell me i noe it ok!

and i believe no parent like you will tell her child she is stupid. fuck for once i really hate the family of mine or rather my parents. you will be hurt seeing this but have you thought of my feelings when you called me stupid? do you realize how sad i was hearing upon your words. do you noe how deep you cut me? there is no hurtful things on this earth than your parents given up hope on you. i can't trust them for strength.
i can't carrying on any more. my tears are dropping silently.

this is annoying.

i hate this.

you do noe i wish to be happy in any way. i hate this when the people dearest to me are hurting me the most.

by the way. if there is any form to escape everything i will do that. running away.

jp if you were trying to run away from home i will be the one to run away first. but at least you got it clear between your mum but i did not.

they dun understand at all.