sometimes i getting really tired...when i wan to be happy things always doesn't support me...i really want to be happy...but why can't i?? i can laugh around with my friends but i realize everytime at home i am not happy at all. even with the power of tvxq. i tot home is a warm and comfortable place?? but i see my home as a cruel place. i am so left out here...i feel like the odd one here...who doesn't belong to here...parents seems to have lost hope on me but why can't they see i am trying?? they see only my results but why can't they take a look at the process i am studying?? my parents didn't see me cry before it is only because i never want to cry in front of them....but they are slowing looking down on me...they lost hope on me so do i lost hope on them...i suddenly feel like they are just parents by name.....the hurt inside me....i dunno what to do...why am i always crying at home?? is like i once step into the house everything seems so down.....i feel want to be outside but not my house. house not house any more. the love i used to feel is not there any more...

i lost faith in this family...i used to talk to my mother everything. but now she seems to have lost interest....seems like she is more concern to da jie and er jie??
my dad......dun wanna say...i dun even feel like calling them...i just wanna be in a deep sleep......leaving everything behind be irresponsible........this is what i want.....i am a total different gal at home and with my friends...i feel like two personality....i hate this kind of me....i hate it....i dislike it....but but....damn....just pass me the knife....but i can't do it too... tvxq wouldn't want to know this....ah!!! DAMN IT OK? I HATE EVERYTHING THAT IS GOING ON....EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE GOING AGAINST ME...I JUST WANNA WAKE UP FROM THE NIGHTMARE~~~