Entries of life ★

oh ya....last night i was like crying facing so much stress and pressure....mum is like nagging then later almost had a fight with stephanie yeo because of english project...then later mabel not helping all those shit...family thinking i didn't studying....and how would they know if i had study or not?? telling them is like toking to a wall they wouldn't listen. they wouldn't trust you on money matters. plus they use results to do judgement on you." i see your result and i will know( if you had studied)" thats what they always said to you...good results " well done" no prizes no encouragement....definately thinking " it is your job to study and do well" bad result or rather fair results "why is it like that??" of cos with angry tone....ok so it is my fault that my brain is not working well?? yeah i studied?? but my IQ simply not working with me...i am studying, information can't get in....want me to build a computer into my brain?? dun worry my beloved parents i am so not blaming you for my stupidness just blaming myself for being so stupid. decided to vent it all out last night causing my stupid eyes to be so swollen. so eventually i decided to stop crying. i can't always be crying. i want to laught wholeheartedly just like when i am crying. i always felt so unture when laughing. i just want to laugh with my whole heart. so i decided whatever kind of obstacles or difficulties i face, i will not cry. cos i wouldn't want tvxq to look at me with pityful eyes. i want them to see me as a gal who had lived her life with happiness. like there is no troubles. thats what i wanna give tvxq. junsu had been like that...being happy lived as if there is no troubles....being pure and innocent....yup that is my junsu!! i just wanna follow his footsteps...i vowed not to think of death with time are bad cos i wouldn't want tvxq to think i am a gal with such depression thinking. everything i do i would do it for tvxq because they are my strength of living....providing the needs of my life.